Melbourne Marriage Workshop Part 1

Marriage. Now there’s a fail-proof way to fill a room up with young Muslims! In early June, Melbourne was blessed with the presence of Imam Afroz Ali to run Part One of his highly acclaimed 3-part Marriage Workshop series. This exciting 2-day workshop provided a balance of Islamic principles, practical application and sage advice.

The workshop began by considering some practical guidelines on what to seek in a potential spouse and what to expect from marriage. For those who have benefited from Imam Afroz’s classes before, I’m sure you will agree that he is anything but a sugar-coater. We were very quickly introduced to the reality of what marriage entailed, and that considering a potential “significant other” demanded more than a skin-deep appraisal and a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

We were introduced to a quick mental exercise known as the “swing test” – imagine you and your spouse sitting on a swing when you’re 70: Hairless, toothless, and whatever else Allah SWT has gracefully caused to slip away over the years, and be able to honestly look into each other’s eyes and say, “I love you”.

So if not to look for beauty, what are we to search for in a potential spouse? Why, Deen of course! Also, Taqwa and compatibility.

There was a large fiqh component to the weekend, covering the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife and the due process of entering into a marriage contract. The workshop format here provided a fantastic avenue for answering all those sensitive questions and pressing concerns on the minds of participants. Myths surrounding nikah, engagements, mahr, rights, ill-conduct and divorce were tackled and dispelled.

If any of our heads still remained in the clouds after all that, Imam Afroz ensured that our feet were firmly on the ground for the final homerun. He posed the question to us: “How can you know what you are looking for, if you don’t know who you are?” Or more importantly: “How can you expect things from a spouse, without acknowledging what you have to give?”

It can be easy to mentally construct the perfect partner, who will not only complete our life but will amiably put up with all our shortcomings as well! There’s no need to discuss the impossibility of such a situation. We cannot expect to seek perfection in another, but rather we should be striving to attain perfection within ourselves. Becoming aware of our many shortcomings, and taking steps to correct them where possible, is an important part of an individual’s spiritual journey.This will be the subject of Marriage Workshop Part 2.

All things considered, those matters that may have once seemed so important, such as beauty, an expensive mahr and fancy wedding parties, pale in comparison to the ultimate goal of reaching a station of Ihsan with Allah SWT, and sharing that journey with a life partner.